Our thoughts and inner dialogue will help manifest our reality. This is not really a bold claim, but a fact. One in which I hope to prove over the course of the following few paragraphs.
I have long since believed this notion and have successfully used it to my advantage. An easy example is my liberal use of positive affirmations over the years. Yes, the kind that Stewart Smalley (played by Al Franken) of SNL made famous. You may remember, “I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and doggone it, people like me.” Of course, I found the humor in the skits depicting Stewart talking to himself in the mirror, but truth be told, I had already found success using a similar technique. There were no mirrors or cardigan sweaters in my case.
When I started in the financial services industry, I was more than shy; I was horribly and pathetically shy and introverted. Three things measured a good public speaking encounter: I didn’t cry, I didn’t throw up, and I didn’t wet my pants. A low bar indeed. If I were able to communicate any information, that was icing on top. In one feeble attempt, I literally had an out-of-body experience and could see my timid self from above the room. You may think that I am exaggerating. I only wish I were.
I was aware that I would need to overcome this flaw and remembered stuff from my dad’s tapes he played in the car in the early 1970s, on his tape deck, which he somehow rigged in a vehicle with only AM/FM radio. It was all about controlling our own minds. I remembered the affirmations and noodled around what I could possibly affirm.
I came up with, “I am a confident and enthusiastic person, people like to listen to me.” I can’t express how deeply humiliating it is to share this. I feel like I was revealing those awkward junior high pictures, but if I can help another person, so be it. I wrote this affirmation down and plastered it everywhere I looked throughout the day, repeating it dozens of times. My mind finally started to believe what I was telling it, and there was no looking back.
Anyone who knows me knows that one of the most dangerous things you can hand me in a crowded room is a microphone. I am not the least shy now. I convinced myself through constant repetition until the words became a reality.
Another example was during my health challenge. In fact, those affirmations remain a mantra to this day and are plastered on my bathroom mirror. I struggled to get through each day, and my fatigue was overwhelming. I came up with “I am healthy and active” and “I am strong and resilient.” I wrote both of these phrases with carefully chosen words when I was not even close to any of those conditions.
Big deal, I hear some of you thinking. It’s still all too touchy-feely and not proof of anything. OK, I accept your challenge, but I ask one more indulgence, if I may.
What I would like you to do is to go on a journey of the imagination with me. Picture yourself in your home, in the middle of the night, and you are the only one awake. The house is dark, and you find yourself barefoot walking to the kitchen, where the only light is emanating from the open refrigerator door. You blink your eyes as they adjust to the light, and on the shelf in front of you is a solitary lemon, perfectly ripe, yellow, and cool to the touch.
You grab the lemon, flick on the lights, and grab a cutting board and knife. You place the lemon on the cutting board and firmly draw the knife across the lemon, lengthwise, letting the juices flow out onto the board. You place each half down and make two more cuts with more juice flowing until the lemon is now quartered. You pick up the pieces in both hands and feel the cool juice dripping onto your open hands.
That is the end of the imagery. But the question remains. Why is your mouth watering? What activated your salivary glands? Why can you almost taste the tanginess of the lemon when you are just reading words? There is no lemon in your proximity. There was no reality but for the one that you created in your own mind from your own experiences. Your mind made a shortcut between the words you are reading and the physical experiences you have had with citrus fruits. This is powerful, and if we can do it with simple things like imagining a lemon in your kitchen, why can’t we use it for more important things like happiness and health?
We absolutely can. I intend not to turn you all into Stewart Smalley’s talking to yourself to better days, where all your wildest dreams can come true. My goal is to help you stop the negative self-talk. You can’t get better until you stop getting worse. The first step in not getting worse is to stop the incessant negative things you tell yourself. “I’m too old.” “I’m too fat.” “My sister is the pretty one.” “I can’t carry a tune in a bucket.” “I’m not good with finances.” “I stink at golf.”
Or use the ones that rattle around in your own head. If our words and thoughts have power over us in a physical way (as we just demonstrated), let’s use them for good, not for harm. This is a mindset reset and one that is never too late to employ. If you are reading these words, you have time to make some positive changes. Will it solve all of your problems? Of course not. Will it make life better? Absolutely.
Trust me, this takes time. But as long as you are drawing breath, you have the time. Start slowly by catching yourself when you engage in negative self-talk and thoughts. Stop them in action and call them out. You can audibly express, “That’s simply not true.” Or “I don’t believe that for a minute.” You are in control and empowered to override these negative expressions. If you don’t feel up to the conflict in denying these negative ideas, acknowledge them and let them pass through.
Once you start catching yourself and reducing these negative thoughts, replace them with what you hope for the best version of yourself. Even if you remain skeptical, and maybe if I’m all wet and this is nonsense, at least you would have someone in your corner saying nice things about you, and that’s not all bad.