Winter in Northern Michigan can be very lonely. Winter in Leland can be downright isolating. I wouldn’t say the village is sleepy during the winter; I would say it’s hibernating. Social interactions occur at the Post Office (I go every day), the Mercantile (to get groceries), and occasionally the library, which is where they keep the books. I walk the streets in winter and stay off of M-22, and during the bitter cold spells we’ve had, I may sometimes see another walker. However, we are all bundled up so much that it is hard to identify who they are. Honestly, I once saw someone with the same coat as my wife and thought it was her, only to find that it was my friend’s daughter visiting from Chicago.
One of the ways that we have injected some intentional interaction with friends is by having a monthly euchre potluck. This routine started about three winters ago by the group of women that Joan golfs with. They call themselves “The Sh**y Hitters,” and they only play 5 or 6 holes every Tuesday evening during golf season. No one is great, and no one keeps score; they are just out to socialize. They didn’t want the fun to end after golf season, so they came up with this idea of regular gatherings during the cold months. Of course, I have become friends with the husbands and truly enjoy their company.
Some of the regulars leave town for the winter, but those who remain take turns hosting the evening. Each gathering will be four couples, and the couple hosting provides the entrée, the others fill in with an appetizer, a salad, and a dessert. Over the years, we have learned the various food idiosyncrasies. For example, I am no fish and no dairy. Others may be on a restrictive diet, and we work around their specific needs.
In addition, since the whole group knows about my struggle with energy and need for sleep, they have moved the time to accommodate my early bedtime. These nights start at 5:00 pm, but during the winter, it is already dark, so it feels later. I find that although I am much better than I was a few years ago, I still need a solid 8 to 9 hours of sleep each night.
Sharing a meal with others allows for conversation and fellowship, for lack of a better word. We catch up on travels, kids, grandkids, and sometimes the latest ailments. I have entered into the age of sharing afflictions, almost like Boy Scout Merit Badges. I earned this one last summer. I got this a few weeks ago. You get the idea. It also reminds me of that scene in Jaws, when, late at night, the guys have been drinking and comparing scars and stories around the table. You get old people around a table, and it won’t take long; they will rival Hooper, Brody, and Quint, I promise you.
These interactions are critical to making it through the cold, dark, lonely days of winter. The struggle is real, but when shared with others, it is so much easier. I wrote about the value of friends in Friendship, Your Most Valuable Asset last year. Playing cards, I think, is the excuse we use to gather together. Of course its fun, and some of us (me) are more competitive than others (everyone else), but just being together is important enough that we make it a priority.
The flip side of gathering in friendship is staying tucked away in our private chambers, doomscrolling, or binge-watching whatever is the latest series/movie. This is certainly easier than cleaning the house or preparing a meal, but this soon turns into a deadly habit of isolation.
Much has been written about the loneliness epidemic, and this isolation is every bit as deadly as smoking or obesity. Read about it here. Also, this is not just for older people; this applies to virtually all age groups. Young people, especially, have come to rely on technology for much of their interactions, and this too is a grave mistake. Virtual togetherness is almost as harmful to health as isolation.
This makes me sad, which I suppose means that I have a modicum of compassion. However, Joan would tell you that if left to my own devices, I would prefer staying home to social interaction. I like my home, my company, and reading and drinking coffee. Going out takes effort, and that effort is multiplied during the cold, dark days of winter. One has to bundle up, brush the snow off the car, shovel the driveway, and more just to get anything done. Visiting in the summer is easy. Flip flops? Check. Sunglasses? Check. OK, let’s go.
Once we get to the hosting house, I always have fun. Generally, we have a bit of catching up over the appetizers for an hour, and then it’s right to dinner. The dinners are usually simple but filling; it’s not about the food; it’s about being together. It’s really not about cards; if I’m being honest, it’s about committing to each other over these months and staying in touch.
We select partners for each round by drawing cards. These pairs and colors assign your table and your partner. Since euchre is a quick game (when done properly), we will play around the table with each player dealing twice. You keep score for yourself on a separate sheet, and once you have gone around twice, you draw to find your next partner. I usually start fading after two of these sets, but I will force myself to a third one just to be social.
I enjoy the opportunity to partner with different people and love the banter that goes around the room during these games. Incidentally, the hosts set the ground rules for the night regarding optional plays. For example, stick the dealer, ace no face, and other variations on the game.
Occasionally, one of the regular couples will be out of town on the agreed-upon night, so we have a handful of friends who enjoy serving as substitutes for our monthly shenanigans.
Maybe cards are not your thing. Maybe it’s cross-country skiing. Maybe it’s something else. Regardless of what it is, make sure you are making an effort to stay connected with others you care about. One common characteristic of the Blue Zones (regions where people seem to defy aging) is community. People well into their 90s and 100s are making community and friendship a priority. I hope to live that long and with any luck, I will be no less competitive playing euchre.