The face that we normally present to the world is our best one. Social media makes this easy, and most people who use it only portray their best versions. Life is fun, rich, and full of adventure. I, too, am guilty of this.
I mostly live in relative peace and tranquility. There may be episodes of abundant joy when my cup seems to overflow with goodness. I have also lived through terrible trauma and challenging times that I wouldn’t wish on anyone. In both times, life is better with true friends nearby. I have heard the phrase, “Joy shared is joy doubled, and sorrow shared is sorrow halved.”
Currently, I have several close friends who are going through the most challenging battles of their lives. In every case, they have surrounded themselves with family and friends for their support. I am honored to be just one of those friends and am encouraged by seeing the great effort by all to help.
Thomas Aquinas (whom I consider to be a pretty smart guy) says, “There is nothing on earth more to be prized than true friendship.” Who am I to disagree with him? A true friend is one who walks with you towards the trials of life and not away from them.
The single greatest trial of my life occurred about thirty years ago, and I have never been in a darker place and more unsure of myself or seeing a resolution. I can honestly tell you that we could not have endured this period without the dozens of friends who temporarily suspended their own lives and commitments to be with us. Their support was shocking and surreal. This was a very formative event in my life, and in an instant, the quote by Aquinas was made manifest in my life.
However, I didn’t intend to start on such a somber note for this topic of friendship; it just happened (I must remind you that I don’t have an editor). But when I think of the value of friendship, this period stands out above all others in my life.
Some of the greatest joys of my life were also made sweeter by the inclusion of true friends. Music seems to be better, jokes funnier, and stories more interesting than when shared with those closest to us. It is true that our emotions are contagious. Don’t believe me? Yawn in front of several people, and I can assure you that someone else will yawn as a result. I have watched funny shows by myself before and have chortled a time or two; however, when I watch the same program with friends and the chortle becomes a guffaw.
How do we make friends? Think of your closest friends. How did you meet? I know that you didn’t go to friends.com to meet them. There must be a common interest of sorts. Any parent will tell you that some of their friends were the parents of their children’s friends. The common interest here is, of course, their children and their happiness.
Other times, you may have a common interest in an activity or hobby, be it golf, pickleball, gardening, walking, travel, or whatever makes life more interesting for you. This is a way that we are introduced to new people. It doesn’t mean that you will be instantly friends; it’s just a point of commonality. A conversation ensues, and their true nature is revealed, which will either attract or repulse you. Repulse, may be too strong a word, but you get the idea. Like trying a new ice cream flavor, nah, not for me. Or, oh my, I can’t wait to have more of that.
From these introductions and initial tryouts for friendships, a relationship must be formed for them to become true friends. A relationship takes years to develop and countless hours spent together. The bond becomes closer and stronger. Let’s be honest, our time is short, and spending time with people who don’t spark joy can be exhausting. On the other hand, time spent with true friends seems to be too short and not frequent enough.
I remember a bit by Jerry Seinfeld. He says that when we are kids, any commonality is the basis for friendship. “You like ice cream, I like ice cream, let’s be friends.” When we get older, our attitude may be more like, “Sorry, I have all the friends I need right now, not taking any more applications.” It’s funny because, in many ways, it is true.
As I got older, I have spent a lot of time thinking that I have all of the friends I need, only to be surprised by meeting and making new ones. It’s like having a complete meal, feeling satisfied and ready to push away from the table, and a dessert is presented. What an unexpected surprise! This is how I feel, exactly, about adding friends at this stage of life.
Know that if you are a friend in the second half of my life, you are my dessert. You are a sweet, unexpected surprise that makes something great even better. I am using this platform to thank you. You know who you are. We may not see each other often enough, but when we do, we pick right back up where we left off, and I like to think both of our lives are richer for it.
Joseph Addison, 17th century British politician and writer, says, “The greatest sweetener of human life is friendship.” I don’t know his political persuasion, but I am fairly confident that he would approve of my dessert analogy.
As it relates to health and wellness, living in a community with close friends has been proven to increase longevity, life satisfaction, and health outcomes. If, as I believe, walking is the single best activity for overall health, having friends would be a close second. “If you walk with a friend, you will live forever.”*
* This is hyperbole. There is no scientific proof that a person would live forever. Please consult your medical professional to see if walking with a friend may be right for you.