I have known for a while that having a proper attitude of gratitude sets us up for a positive perspective and is associated with a reduction of stress and anxiety. I have tried to incorporate tiny practices to achieve this seemingly impossible goal. It’s hard. Life is difficult and filled with a myriad of challenges. Rising above those challenges to find appreciation is a challenge in itself.
Recently, I watched a brief video of a 30-year-old dad holding his baby boy in his arms and talking about how demanding life is. Trying to balance work commitments, household obligations, raising a family, and everything else on top of it. He shared an amazingly simple, yet effective method of gaining perspective and resetting gratitude.
He looked directly into the camera and said words to the effect of, “Imagine that you are 90 or 95 years old looking back on your life. You have been retired for decades, your friends have passed, and you are close to the end of your life.”
His son, who is maybe six months old, is looking at him with awe as he speaks. He continues, “Now imagine you have the ability to travel through time and return to this exact moment for two minutes, but only two minutes.” Through this miracle, you are able to relive this particular moment in time. He scans the backyard and eyes the picnic table.
He continues, I remember the meals we shared around that table, the stories that were told, and the feelings that were shared. I remember the barbecues and the food I prepared for my family on the grill. I remember holding my son on this patio under the protective shade of these trees.
He continued on, remembering the life that he was currently living, but through the eyes of his future self, having the ability to relive this moment. It was poignant.
I immediately went out on our back patio, under the shade of our trees, and marveled at how peaceful it is. I imagined myself journeying back in time to the present moment. I was filled with gratitude and lightness that wasn’t evident before. I have found this small practice to be transformative.
In a small way, this reminds me of a refrigerator magnet that once adorned our fridge. It showed a 1950s-era housewife in her living room with the caption that read, “I wish I were as skinny as I was when I thought I was fat.” Our perspective changes. You could certainly replace age with weight on that idea. I wish I were as young as I was when I thought I was old.
Life flashes by in a blur. To quote Ferris Bueller from the movie Ferris Bueller’s Day Off, “Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.” I could never be as carefree as he was. I would have been more like his nerdy friend Cameron. Who am I kidding? I still am.
Pardon my digression; back to our time-traveling gratitude practice. There will always be trials and burdens that we face. If we face them with friends, they are easier than alone, as I indicated a few weeks ago in Friendship Your Most Valuable Asset. But this two-minute pause out of a busy day may be just the thing to snap us back into having a grateful heart.
Contentment is part of the magic here. Being content is about finding satisfaction and happiness with what you already have instead of always desiring more and feeling unfulfilled. Which reminds me of the story of a dinner party with some very famous people.
Apparently, a billionaire was hosting a dinner party where two of the guests were famous authors Kurt Vonnegut and Joseph Heller (author of Catch-22). Vonnegut famously remarked to Heller, “Imagine, our host makes more money in one day than you ever made from Catch-22 in its entire history.”
Heller responded, with very little pause, “That may be; however, I have something that our host will never have.” Surprised, Vonnegut asked what that could possibly be. Heller responded, “Enough.”
“Enough” was elusive for the hedge fund billionaire host of the party. But Joseph Heller had found contentment with what he had. Nothing really resonated with the public as Catch-22 did after it was published; however, striking gold once was enough for the author.
We have an entire industry devoted to undermining that notion and instilling in our subconscious that our lives will be complete, or better, or fulfilled, or whatever, once we buy this product or have that service or whatever they are selling.
That baby in his father’s arms couldn’t care less what kind of car his dad drives. He has no appreciation for the size of the house he was raised in. And somehow this father is keenly aware of that and can focus on what is most important, and that is gratitude.
You think, once you get to be as old as I am, wisdom would reign supreme. Yet, I am still learning, hopefully, every day.
Sitting on my back porch this summer, I find myself using this practice more and more and am finding the joy and contentment in the good old days, which are right now. The past is unable to reach me, the future is a theory, and this moment is all we have. As a person who has always been planning and future-focused, this is an entirely new paradigm. So don’t mind me as I am just discovering it.